first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
