I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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