you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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