I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
