Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we're making bets on your personal life
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
