Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
