i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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