So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
