I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I believe in your delicious
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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