vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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