her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
