Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
