he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Found the puke drawer
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
