Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
