Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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