Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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