i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize