everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
