im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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