I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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