I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He felt like a one man threesome
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
