I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
