Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
