he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
