he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
try to milk me bitch
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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