I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
