I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
