I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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