HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
