Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
