I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
