he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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