it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You ruined the universe
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
