i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
