It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize