Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
