Cold hands, warm shart.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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