Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
