I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
