dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
