i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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