i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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