I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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