Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
