no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
