I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
