The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
