You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
