Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
