Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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