Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
