I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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