So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
