My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
