Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
