Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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