there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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