We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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