He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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