By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
