I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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