I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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