And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
