I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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