I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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