Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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