He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
