maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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