bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
His nipple licking is glorious
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
