after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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