just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
