I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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