i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
