An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
