I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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