he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
