I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
