I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
