kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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