found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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